it's this feeling again..and how i wish it would go away..not exactly depressed but maybe close to it..and to think that my day was a lot of fun..right now I'm disoriented in a way..I'm not sure what to pack in my small bag for tomorrow or what to do next after this..
i just watched PBB,didn't finish it though..it showed Gee-ann crying in the confession room after they told each other who they would nominate..that's when Wendy went crazy..but I'm typing this because of what Gee-ann said,then, to Big Brother..I can't remember the exact words but she somehow said that she always seemed like the bad person..It got me thinking,"hey, I feel the same way, too..". What ever it is that I do, it always seems to be a bad thing. It's like I have to watch my every move. It was a life I wanted to get away from. I felt like I never had the freedom that I wanted. I never intended to hurt anyone. I am just being me. Some may look at it as a big change and I get that, because we all change. The recent year of my life, I watched what I did and made sure I wouldn't hurt anyone but then right now, I realized that it might have been a mistake. Trying to make everyone happy by restricting myself from what I really wanted to do, may have been wrong. I lost myself that year. I couldn't find myself anymore. And up to now it's still chasing me. I don't know what to do anymore. Like what Gee-ann said,"am I doomed to fail?". I don't want to think that way but so far,it seems that way. Trying to please everyone made me lose a bit or maybe a large portion of myself and I don't think I can get it back. The fear that I had last year is still there and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
i just watched PBB,didn't finish it though..it showed Gee-ann crying in the confession room after they told each other who they would nominate..that's when Wendy went crazy..but I'm typing this because of what Gee-ann said,then, to Big Brother..I can't remember the exact words but she somehow said that she always seemed like the bad person..It got me thinking,"hey, I feel the same way, too..". What ever it is that I do, it always seems to be a bad thing. It's like I have to watch my every move. It was a life I wanted to get away from. I felt like I never had the freedom that I wanted. I never intended to hurt anyone. I am just being me. Some may look at it as a big change and I get that, because we all change. The recent year of my life, I watched what I did and made sure I wouldn't hurt anyone but then right now, I realized that it might have been a mistake. Trying to make everyone happy by restricting myself from what I really wanted to do, may have been wrong. I lost myself that year. I couldn't find myself anymore. And up to now it's still chasing me. I don't know what to do anymore. Like what Gee-ann said,"am I doomed to fail?". I don't want to think that way but so far,it seems that way. Trying to please everyone made me lose a bit or maybe a large portion of myself and I don't think I can get it back. The fear that I had last year is still there and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
Killed boredom at 11:03 PM |
0 Gave Itachi Some Love
